Aussie Motherless Daughter

I have read both of Hope's books and found them to be truly enlightening. My mother died when I was 17 after a 2 year illness with cancer. I am now in my mid thirties and the mother of 3 children. Whilst the intense pain lessens, there has rarely been a day when I have not thought of her. What saddens me most as I grow older is that I never knew her as an adult - I never got to ask her things that only a grown woman can ask. As I grow older and especially since the marriage separation last year - the need for her has been so strong. It is so true - nobody loves you as unconditionally as your mother. The loss of her has I believe made me a more committed and available mother than I may have been otherwise.
I would welcome the opportunity to chat with other women or girls who may be around a similar age I was when they lost their mother.

How good to also meet someone that lost their mom when they were a teenager. I lost mine when I was a sassy ole 18 yr. old. She died while recovering from surgery at home in my arms. I too wonder what it would be like to have adult conversation with her. I sometimes DO talk to her when I need her the most. Whether it is in my journaling or just speaking out loud, I feel she is always "there" for me in spirit if nothing else. Now MY children are growing and I don't know what to do with myself. I've focused so much on raising my children and being a good mother to them that I forget to be ME. I am now on a quest to find myself. Write Back!

I was 7 when I lost my mom and I often wish I'd been able to talk with her as a TEENAGER--let alone an adult! You're right that no one loves you like your mom. I've found myself an outcast in my own family since her death. No one even talks to me anymore. And I know that would never have been tolerated had my mother lived. *sigh* Ah well! Good to meet other "motherless" sisters--bless you!

How's your day going today, friend?

Hi. I'm Bonnie. I lost my mom at 17. She had a brain tumor and after the operation she was at the level of a 5 year old. She was diagnosed and operated on within a 2 week period. The tumor came back when I was 25 and she passed the same month of her birthday. I can relate to what you are feeling. I will never have the opportunity to explore things with her as an adult. I was never close to her until my 17th year so I was only beginning to relate to her. If you have any book suggestions I'd love to hear about them. Thanks for your time. Take care. Bonnie

Hello Ladies,

Though I do not live on the same continent as you all (I'm in the States) my story is the same. I turned 28 today and spent last night listening to a tape my Mother made 26 years ago. While some of my family was in Germany, they would keep in touch via cassette so that everyone would hear a loved ones voice.

I lost my Mother when I was 18. And when I read Pammy36's words I felt she had gleaned them directly from my heart. 10 years later I find I wonder what it would have been like to know my Mother as an adult and as a woman - now that I am both myself.

TL

Hi Gabrielle,
I was 16 when my mom died after 2 yrs of cancer. Now I'm 35 and have married with a 6 yr old son. I know exactly what you mean, everything you have said has rang true for me. I was originally from Asia, afer my mom died, I just wanted to get away so bad, so I came to US by myself to go to college. People wonder how I can come halfway around the world to live here permanently, they said, Aren't you homesick? - but I was not at all, I felt completely adept at being on my own - almost as if I've been alone all my life anyway, so what's the difference this time? It makes us independent spirits, self-reliant, and resilient, dont you think? Give yourself a lot of credit for bringing up your children without the crucial support from a mother. It has been veryvery difficult being a parent for me, even with one child, and I can't imagine three. Keep writing...

I also lost my mother fairly young at 13. She was 33. I am now expecting my first child. Is it suppose to be this hard? She has been gone 10 years and the deep yearning for her and our time lost is still so raw.

hi, i lost my mother from the day i was born. she suffers from a mental illness and when i was born she had a nervous breakdown and blamed me. i was fostered out for the first two years of my life and then my mother came back and ripped me from the arms of the only woman i knew as my mother. she then spent the next 8 yrs of my life tormenting and abusing me.
at the age of 10 my father took my brother and i and flet to another state to get away from my mum. but about a year later my father began to molest me. by the age of 16 i was kicked out by my father. I have not read hopes book yet as i am still trying to find one here in australia.
i would love to find other woman who have experienced the loss of their mother in the way i have and use this to support one another thru the tough times.
wendy

Hi Everyone,

I too lost my mum at an early age (13). I have found your words heartbreaking and so familiar. Isn't it uncanny that no matter what age you were when it happened, where you lived, or if you lost your mum to death, or to life, that we all seem to feel the same.....with empty spaces in our souls. For such a long time the first words out of my mouth when I met someone new was "my mum died", and now it's "I am a mum". How I wish she were here. No one understands the pain of losing their mum unless it's happened to them. I met a lady(aged 75) the other day who lost her mum young. She has never gotten over it and was so emotional for me being a new mum without one, as she understood the pain so well. The loss of a mother is a binding experience that no one should ever have to endure. Good luck to everyone with their grief cycles(will they ever stop?). Remember your mum's as though they are still here, because they are...in your hearts.
<3 Simone